It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
My pussy is not your playground.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
