It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
