ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
This gyro tastes like lonliness
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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