I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
