It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
