he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
