Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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