Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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