I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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