Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
