I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
