$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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