yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I want to make a zoo with you.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
