college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
