So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
