I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
