If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
