i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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