You're my little dorito
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
