Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
