So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
