when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Randomize
