His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize