Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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