i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
