Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize