i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
