Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
