Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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