I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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