My nipple is on Facebook.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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