i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
