you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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