i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
