We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
high people should be assigned attendants
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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