Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
