you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
