Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
