When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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