I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
