I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
