Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
