it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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