Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
