Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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