Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
