maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
