Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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