I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
