Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
one might say we're banned from that church
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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