im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
