i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
