How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
