Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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