How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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