Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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