dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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