4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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