Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
