ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
the condom got lost in my hair
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
