I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
