There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize