I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
