I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
