Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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